Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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