last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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