My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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