also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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