I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize