I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
