hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
