The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
