I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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