Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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