OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
