Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
