Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
