Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
