I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
