Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
