I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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