puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
