I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
