the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
