Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Bring me that man meat
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
