Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
