You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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