Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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