My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
