Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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