I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
