Don't you send me to vm
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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