I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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