I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
