you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
