Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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