i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
