Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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