note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Your cock deserves a montage
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
