dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
