I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
