Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
