ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
