she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
