If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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