someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
