i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
