Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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