She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
