Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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