you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
