I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
