If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
