3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
