I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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