dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
