The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
