dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
