i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
