i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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