I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
