She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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