He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
