yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
