I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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