I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
