this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
