This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
