So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
