if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
