Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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