Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
